- I have to …
- I should …
- I cannot …
- I have no choice …
Our choice of language – reflected in our thinking, hearing and speaking – shape our consciousness of reality and directly impacts our feelings and our suffering and happiness.
Some formulations in our daily use of language implicate that we do not have a choice. “I have no time.” – “I will never be able to do this.” – “I must accept this.” – “I must forgive, because if not I will be go to hell.” – “I have no choice.” – “I have to do as I am told, because that is just so.”
We are free to believe that we have no choice. In that belief we give our inner power away.
NVC Song - You don‘t count
I‘m seeing more clearly that I have inner blinders,
obscuring my awareness of the choices available to me.
But is it really true? And is there no way to approach this in a different way, that will allow us to feel more understanding and compassionate towards ourselves and others?
Compassionate communication practitioners are aware that human beings always have a choice. As long as we are spiritually alive, we can make inner decisions as to how we want to meet any given situation. And when we decide to believe that we have no choice, this is actually one possible choice we can and often do make.
Inner freedom cannot be taken away from outside, it can only be given away by our own accord – from the inside.
Sascha Skochilenko, a Russian artist who was sentenced to 7 years in prison for anti-war stickers, said in her closing statement in a Russian court: “Despite the fact that I am in a prison cell, it is possible that I am much more free than all of you.”
Demo – Examples
| Jackal perspective Giving My Freedom Away | Giraffe perspective Aware of My Freedom at all Times |
|---|---|
| “I have to brings the kids to school.” | “I choose to brings kids to school , because I want to support their development. |
| “I should cook something different today.” | “I want to cook something different, because I love variation.” |
| “You should come here.” | “Are you willing to come here?” |
| “We are going to win this election, because we have no choice. If we lose it, we are not going to have a country.” (Trump on 5.3.2024) | “I request everybody to vote for the Republican party, because I wish for safety on our national borders.” |
Check the energy in your body, when you connect to the jackal and the giraffe version.
Do you feel a difference?
Sentences to transform in the whole group
- Now I have to go to my appointment.
- I have no choice but to pay the fine, otherwise I will have to pay even more later.
- I should take better care of my friends, contact them more often than I do now.
- I need to be more disciplined and do some sports activity every day.
- I have to go to the supermarket.
Examples of Participants
Let people pause for a moment and write down one “have to” they would like to transform.
Transform in the group – or send them to break-outs in pairs.