Planning – Making Relationships Better

Material Listing

DAYMajor TopicsA bit more detail
Monday AMJackals vs. four steps (floor cards)Noticing our Judgmental Way of Thinking Translating into Giraffe with 4 steps
Monday PMEnemy images, prejudicesDemo enemy image process
Then do it in groups

Tuesday AMHealing Relationship – Inner
Chooser – making choices and why
Can be combined with dyads
Tuesday PMHealing Relationship – Inner (Integration time)When we acted in a way we did not like
Listen to jackal educator with giraffe ears

Wednesday AMHealing Relationship – Inner Chooser Educator
Make list of most frequent inner jackals
Choose 2-3 jackals and share in dyads a self-empathy process
Wednesday PMHealing Relationship – Outer (Integration time)Healing and Reconciliation process (restorative justice demo)

Thursday AMHealing Relationship – Outer (Beauty of Needs Dyads)People do process in groups
Thursday PMHealing Relationship – Outer
(Integration time)
People do process in groups

Friday AMRestorative circle Hearing each other in a group
Friday PMFeedback – Intentions for next steps

Daily schedule

08.00 – 09.00Breakfast
09.30 – 13.00Session 1 + 2 (break at 11)
13.00 – 14.00Lunch
14.00 – 15.00Free time
15.00 – 18.30Session 3 + 4 (break at 16.30)
19.00 – 20.00Supper
After 20.00Free time (may be other activities, if so desired)

Repeated daily activies

  1. Integration Time – 30 minutes, various ideas – connect with nature, be present and open hearted (every day in the afternoon)
  2. Guided meditation (5-15 minutes)
  3. Gratitude and celebrations time (30 minutes max)
  4. Dyad meditation on needs (30-40 minutes)


Session 1 – Welcoming, introductions, intentions …

Welcoming part – hello from the trainers, translator, assistants … (10 minutes)

One round with saying your name and one thing you liked this morning and what general mood you are in – and use just 30 seconds for this. (10 minutes)

Introductions – make introduction in a connecting way, for example: “What are the three most important qualities you value in communication or in relationship?” Do this in dyads. When they come to the group, ask each person to introduce the values of their partner. Give the partner a choice to add something. (20-30 min)

Intentions – What are your main intentions/expectations for this retreat?

Share in the group. (20 minutes)

Plan of the retreat – prepare flipchart – with general plan (10 minutes)

Daily schedule – put on door too

Organization stuff – maybe before lunch break

Coffee break

Session 2 – All Actions intend to meet needs

Excercise 1 and Input on Needs/strategies – demo of 4 steps

1. Think about something a person does that you cannot empathize with.

Write on flipchart. (10-15 minutes)

2. Ask people to imagine needs behind the actions

Collect on flipchart. (20-30 minutes)

3. In the end – show flipchart with
“All actions are intended to meet universal human needs.”

4. Understanding is not agreeing – so understanding needs does not mean I agree with a given strategy.
Example – murder – as a strategy for understanding or respect.

5. Demonstrate four steps with one of the jackals from the first collection.

Add nothing more before lunch.

Session 3 – Make jackals wonderful again!

1)Flipchart – People only say two things – Please and Thank you (15 minutes)
Exercise – Please insult me!

Demonstrate between trainers first.

Jackal: “You are just like a locomotive without a conductor!!” (please in suicidal way)
Giraffe translating the jackal – Demonstrate hearing the needs …

2) Exercise celebrating jackals

What needs to jackals fulfill?

What gifts are they bringing to us?

Coffee break

Session 4 – Transforming jackals with empathy support / floor cards

3) Exercise – Transforming jackals – four steps floor cards with empathy support

Prepare materials / handout for this exercise
a) Space for listing of jackals – one side of page

b) recommendations for empathy support – other side of page

c) prepare sets of floor cards

a) collecting some jackals individually (5 minutes)
b) demo transformation (10 minutes)

c) Work in pairs on translating jackals (60 minutes)

4) Harvesting (15 min)



1) Short meditation in the beginning about awareness and how it lives in us

2) Input: Stopping – Attention as a Choice – Awakening to our true nature

Awakening to our True Nature

3) Input: Healing and Reconcilation Process

– A way to deal with conflict taking care of the needs of two sides

– Inner and Outer Conflict – We start with inner conflict

chooser educator model

– Do a demo – using floor cards

Chooser – in every moment we chose that which makes life most wonderful

Educator – tries to educate us how to take care of needs of all sides concerned

Piece from Gina Lawrie about this topic – Dalia will look for it

4) Do the exercise of Marshall from the IIT

– Ask group for educator jackals about some action they did/didn’t do today/recently.

– Give empathy to educator (Listen to jackals of educator, help to transform to needs)

– Chooser mourns not meeting needs of educator (perpetrator mourning)

– Educator gives empathy to chooser for making the choice in the first place (perpetror needs)

Do a couple of those examples from the group within the whole group

Coffee break in between …


1) Coming back – doing dyads – what is alive?

Giving a chance to connect with each other, walking together outside

2) Delving a bit deeper into educator-jackals we have about us – maybe give a couple of examples from our own life – open heart space – then let them explore a bit in silence – then do a process in the group



Gratitude – meditation and/or dyads /or some other exercise – one hour?

Later in the morning – space to look deeper into our pain and transform jackals with the HR process


Go to outer conflicts …