Jackal and Giraffe Communication

Four options for responding to an unpleasant message:

Someone says: “You are the biggest egoist I have ever known”.

Blaming (jackal):

  1. Blaming myself: “Oh, I should really be more sensitive to others”.
  2. Blaming others: “You are projecting how you are on me”.

Understanding (giraffe):

  1. To understand my feelings and needs: When I hear you say that I am the biggest egoist you have ever known, I feel hurt for I want you to acknowledge my efforts of taking your needs into account”.
  2. To understand others feelings and needs: “Are you hurt because you want me to take into account your needs more?”