In the following 3-minute audio excerpt Marshall Rosenberg talks about the gift of presence and how the Israeli philosopher Martin Buber (best known for his “Philosophy of Dialogue”) created a helpful image for deep encounter from human to human – meeting each moment like a newborn infant.
Marshall also points out the value of being aware of the distinction between intellectual understanding and empathy (understanding of the heart/ feelings and needs).
It is so easy and habitual NOT to be present …. to be occupied with our thoughts and fears, projects and dramas. In order to be present, one needs to have an inner space, that is empty, open and receiving with compassion what is offered to us on the heart level.
- Being fully present (Bringing nothing from the past or from the future)
- Meeting each moment like a new-born infant (openness, care and good intentions)
- Intellectual understanding (university etc.) vs. empathy (compassionate understanding)
Transcript
Full Presence and Intellectual Understanding
So let me outline some of the components of empathy, things that we need to learn to do, to stay
connected to people, so we can really connect with that flow of energy that’s coming through them.
The most important part of empathy is the hardest.
It involves our presence, our full presence to what is alive in this person at this moment.
Martin Buber, the Israeli philosopher and psychotherapist, says that presence is the most powerful gift
one person can give to another.
A powerful gift and a precious gift.
For when we give this gift to others, this gift of our presence, it is a major component of healing.
It is a major component of the connection that’s necessary for people to enjoy contributing to each
other’s well-being.
But it’s not an easy thing to do to give this presence to others, because, as Buber also says, it requires
bringing nothing from the past into the present. It requires seeing the present moment as a newborn
infant, that’s never been before, will never be again.
So if we start to think about what the person is saying, we lose this presence. And so all of the theories
that we might bring into the present moment about this person, because we might know them – that will
get in the way of our staying empathically connected. Or if you have studied psychology as I did for
many years at the university and were trained how to analyze people, what leads them to behave as
they do – that kind of intellectual training and analysis of what goes on historically that creates present
problems – that can get in the way of empathy.
One of the things that we need to stay clear about then is not to get mixed up intellectual understanding
with empathy.
Intellectual understanding is the kind that I’m saying that I received at the university for intellectually
understanding what are the kind of things historically that can contribute to people developing certain
tensions, problems. And even if this is an accurate assumption, that these kind of things are going on in
the person, it means that I’m not connecting with this person as a unique person in this moment. I’m
bringing in theories and ideas about them.
So I am mixing up intellectual understanding with empathy.
Marshall Rosenberg