1 – Embracing our Jackals

Our habitual way of thinking, speaking and hearing uses blame, criticism and judgments, because we have learned this way of communicating from our parents, from our school and the world around us. But while we have a habit of communicating this way, we are often not aware of it.

In essence – when we need something – we claim that there is something wrong with somebody. So instead of an awareness of what can make our life better, we claim that somebody or something is making our life worse.

First we do a little demonstration that we as trainers also use judgments quite a bit, when we follow our habits.

DemoDalia, you are rude. You always interrupt me.
Dalia demonstrates a habitual jackal way of reacting first.
Then she demonstrate the two phases of self-empathy –
1 – Embracing and becoming aware of our own jackal. This is the same reaction as above – but instead of acting it out, we use this reaction as a wake-up call. “Ah – I have a jackal. I am communicating in jackal. I want to stop.
2 – Moving through some steps of the NVC process, I go to an inner dialogue.
An inner giraffe empathy angel appears and asks:
“When you think this jackal, Dalia, what are you feeling and needing?”
Then Dalia in her non-compassionate being checks what she is feeling and needing and answers.
An inner dialogue can evolve between the two inner parts.
The inner compassionate friend can also make empathy guesses: “When you have this blame, are feeling really frustrated?” Then the other part answers … “Yes, very true …” or “No, I am not frustrated. I am sad.” And the dialogue continues, as it would between two people in the outer world.

The four steps of the NVC process need a zero-step first, an awareness that we are communicating in jackal and that we want to connect to life – to feelings and needs – instead of to a world of right and wrong.

Becoming aware that we have a jackal is also a way to stop. And when we stop, we make a choice. To stay in our jackal world of right and wrong. Or to move to a connection with feelings and needs.